Terrelyn's Blog

Explosions of Thought

That’s what a person with  Intermittent  Explosive Disorder ,has to deal with. And from personal experience , that is me .I can only attest to what I know. I don’t  give a flying frisbee what  the psycho- cliques think personally about my sudden fiery dispositions ,aimed at a target they think I shouldn’t see or attack.They don’t see what’s attacking me . Simply thinking something is  not that simple . There are images,memories ,smells ,and words that can trigger an onslaught.

They can turn a seemingly docile  individual into a ferocious beast. Trust me ,I know. Some have  called me ,and adequately  enough ,the  word fits, a “banshee”. Those beings are  described in Celtic folklore as ones who herald and “impending death”, of someone close tied to the clan. Ring my doorbell,and if I am not expecting you, I can come out screaming like a Banshee. One thing I am aware of that others do dismiss, is  the effect of it on me.I also have adjustment disorder..Yeah go ahead and laugh , go ahead and  tell me how faithless I am. I dare you. People tend to be less compassionate  if it’s something someone requests because they  want to  proactively  diffuse the situation. I have been told from a certain standpoint I am demanding …yeah , I demand certain things,be done by me .Why? It’s my problem to start with.I will FIX ME .And if I cannot ,what makes you think YOU’RE  better at it?

The more they try to put out the fire , the angrier I get , because ,I know know that beast needs to be tamed,they don’t  realize ,I trained it ,taught it  everything it knows.Because of their well-intentioned idea,is met with imperfect timing and lack of knowledge about me,they get burned. It is not my intention at all. Sometimes,the best way to extinguish a fire is to let it  burn itself out…. under controlled  circumstances.

Think about that .If you want. I take a very aggressive position and proactively try to handle my “psychosis” and or neurosis on my own . If I need  help I will solicit the request. Call me stubborn. Yes, I am that also.

Too much fire????

Explosive .


This entry was published on April 6, 2017 at 10:14 am and is filed under Life. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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