I grew up with a limited view of men , based on the example given. I thought that men were supposed to yell at women, lie to them, lie about them,and abuse them. That was the visual representation given to me first by my dad. On one hand,when I was sick, he would be the “doting, concerned ,and vigilant father.” You couldn’t ask for a better dad. I remember waking up many times in the hospital, and seeing his face drawn with “concern.” Maybe it WAS genuine. Time would pass,after my last hospitalization in 1984,and then I would start learning that this man I called dad, wasn’t as “heroic” as I once believed. I was shattered.Disillusioned. The operative word here is “illusion”. Do we purposefully expect too much from men,by relying on them when we are helpless? I don’t know. I remember these words,”Hold on….I got you.” I believed that I was SAFE,YET later I would find out that my safety was questionable….because I had believed a self-made “lie” every little girl believes about their dad? No daughter ever wants to think that Daddy will hurt them, but that he will always be their “champion” and cheering section.
I know my dad had a lot of responsibility of taking care of more than just me. He worked hard, was always trucking, or other things. He had to feed and shelter the family…I will give him credit there…he did. I believe that he began a long time ago, to resent his parental obligations , because of how things turned out. He blamed others for his behavior. One major one was his own mother. He would treat women in such fashion that no woman should be treated by anyone. He abused all of his children in many ways. He never apologized for that. His only comments were,” I am a “son-of-a-bitch”,and I don’t care who knows it. I have raised my children, now i can live my life any way I want!” Actually, GOD RAISED HIS CHILDREN! God continues to. One glance around the house and you will see what is truly important to him. The pictures of his family are stuffed in shoe boxes. On his wall ,he has pictures of himself…. and his “wall of merit”!
He doesn’t call anyone he has no desire to have in his life. He flips the switch,when he believes that someone isn’t a “real Whittall”! Someone dissents, or challenges him ,then upon observance,one can see the “megalomaniac” emerge. Blatantly, and adamantly ,he would insist he was the epitome ….of whatever topic discussed…even once saying how he was “like Jesus”? Arrogance! Vain-glory…….you name it. He is PROUD of HIMSELF.
Now, many years later, even after my dad had said that my ex-husband had RUINED me for OTHER men…. I can PROVE HIM WRONG…..How? Easily…there is now a man in my life who doesn’t EXPLOIT ME, DEGRADE ME, SUBJECT ME TO EMOTIONAL AND MENTAL ABUSES. He truly loves me in my totality. He never says I owe him a damned thing! He is patient ,kind, generous,and a beautiful soul. That is my HUSBAND. Dad and he haven’t met. YET.
My dad has always demanded that we “owe him” for this or that….Yes! I owe him a punch in the face for him stealing my education from me!One could look it that way…..or how about this …THE BEST REVENGE TO A “SON-OF-A-BITCH” LIKE THAT..IS THIS…GO AFTER A CAREER WHICH HELPS NOT JUST ME….BUT GIVES ME THE SKILLS TO HELP OTHERS. NOT BE SOME SORT OF ENTITLED NARCISSIST!!!!
My husband has encouraged me to GO AFTER MY GOALS…….
TO BE SELF-SUFFICIENT.
TO BE THE BEST I CAN BE. WITHOUT FEAR OF THE INSECURITIES OF OTHERS.
TO BE ….ACTUALLY HAPPY….IN LIFE.
MY DEGREE WILL MEAN SOMETHING TO ME…..IT’S A WAY OF FIGHTING THOSE GHOSTS OF ABUSE…..AND SAY TO THEM, “YOU NEED THERAPY!”